The catch though is that he can never be mine. Its complicated. He has planned out his life, well, as for me, I just go with the flow..where ever life may bring me. He told me he couldn't help but fall for me. Well, as I've said earlier, I don't exactly believe that though I want to. I remember keeping my silence when he said that.But to be honest, I wanted to tell him I am in love with him, I wanted to hold his face, give him my warmest hug and kiss him. I wanna believe, for a second, that he's telling the truth. But I didn't. I had my poker face on, sat still and just stared at him. I don't know why I did what I didt. Maybe because I've grown tired of believing in honesty or maybe its my intuition as a woman that he just said that to make me feel good about myself. I don't know. I don't intend to know.
That is just the start of the series of complications I am facing by falling for him. I am still married to a good-for-nothing bastard who abandoned me and my kid for his women and vices and he will NEVER let me be happy, thats another fact. He know he still has a right to me, ahm, to put it exactly he thinks that he owns me. He wouldn't let me be happy with another man. Boy, that sure is dangerous, I know. Another complication is that this man I love right now will be going away to a far-off place and he won't be returning. He'll be in that place for good. He dropped hints that he's still undecided whether he'll pursue his plans.What does that supposed to mean? Is he implying that we might have a chance to be together? Or this is just his deception? I doubt it if he will actually change his plans for what we are having right now. I am not just skeptic about what he said, I dont believe it at all. Most of the time I think that he just gave me false hope because he's such a darling that he can't break it to me. Maybe he knows it'll shatter my broken heart and he didn't want to further damage my lump of muscle. I know he doesn't want to hurt me and I cant tell him I am already hurting. Well, that sucks big time..we don't want to hurt each other but we are going to end up hurting each other because neither of us has the guts to say the truth.
You see, I have a very impossible situation here. My rationality ran away from me again. I let him into my topsy-turvy world. I let myself melt in his arms even though I know that the relationship I have with him is full of complications. Now Im a dead meat because it's a fact that at the end of this "fairytale", I will be the one crying a river.
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