Outraged

I'm not articulate. I don't know how to say the deepest angst of my heart. I don't know how to say "I'm already hurting so please stop". Maybe because I'm afraid that I may hurt someone if I say a word. Damn it!

Why do I have to be like this? Why do I have to think of what others would feel?what they would think? Why do I have to consider them first before my emotions, my damn feelings?

I have been a good friend to everybody. I've never let anyone down. I've tried to help in any way I can. In fact, I have given more than what I have and now I'm empty...

I don't know what to feel, I don't know what to do..I have the right to feel angry too but why do I feel like its wrong.

I'm feeling so down right now...so alone... I want someone, just one, who will be there for me when I breakdown. Someone who'll just hug me when I'm crying, someone who won't even have the slightest doubt about me and my character..

I want to SCREAM! I am in pain yet no one knows it. Its getting the best of me. Its eating my morale.

Am i WORTHLESS?

Am I that bad that I can't have the kind of friend I am to everybody? My heart is broken once again. Shattered worse than ever...

And there's no one to blame but myself. I hate myself for being me. I hate it when I try to please everybody just for them to love me.

Why can't there be someone who'll love me for who I am, for my mishaps, my imperfections, for my cranks and weaknesses. someone who'll accept me and acknowledge that I'm not perfect.

I have been wishing for someone who won't be disappointed to see me break, someone who won't walk away from me during my lowest of low. Someone brave enough to break me and say "That's enough, dumdum..now you're being stupid again".

I'm so afraid to lose the ones I love that I can suffer in silence. But for how long can I be like this? How long can I keep on hurting myself just for them to stay?

I envy those people who have someone loving them. They are lucky they have those people loving unconditionally them no matter what happens to them. I don't have that luck..