Message in a Bottle

I know for a fact that you will leave me one day. I tried to ignore it and just let my heart lead me to what it thinks is my happiness.Then it lead me to you..I don't hate you.In fact, I understand and respect you for finally making that decision. Darn, it hurts you know..but I will live.

I am in love with you even before everything started. That is the reason why I tried to be as cold as ice to you. I was fighting my feeling for you because I know that I will only be hurt in the end. I know you don't want to hurt me and I'm thankful for that. You are sweet beneath that tough image you have. You're caring and is down-to-earth. Sometimes, I would daydream and think of the what ifs..What if we've met before?Would it work? But we never met..we just knew each other in the time that we can never be together anymore. Too late, as the cliche says..

However, please know that I am happy even though it is short-lived. Whirlwind romance, is it? You made me feel loved and cared for. You took care of me, kept my head straight and my spirit high. Thank you for the hugs that you gave me. I want you to know that I melt every time you hold and gently squeeze my hand. Was it only my imagination? I wanted to ask you but you're already gone. Gone forever and I am left to wonder whether what we've shared is true and if you're really sincere..or was it just a game for you?

I know I've let you know that I am not playing games with you. All of what you've seen and felt were true..that is me, loving you. I don't want this to end. I've braced myself of the ugly consequences that I might/will face by being with you. I've actually decided to let myself be lost in this wonderful dream. My moments with you will always be alive in my heart. It will stay there forever.

I miss you so much! I miss your smile, your face, your presence but I know that you won't be back and I just have to deal with that fact. I want you to know that I love you so much. Don't worry, I know my place..I don't intend to get in the way of your plans.

What bothers me are the things that you said to me. Were you really falling for me? Or you just said that because you already know my feelings for you? Please don't shut me off. All I want to know is if what we had was real. Was it real? Were your kisses and hugs real? Were you really concerned about me?

I love looking at your face when you're fast asleep. You're so serene. I love it when you tell me what to do. I love it when you crush my morale with your honesty. My heart jumps every time you hold my hand and kiss it. All of those things you did, I will treasure.

I wrote this so my message will reach you where ever you are right now. I hope we can be friends again. I don't hate you, love. I will never have the courage to stay mad at you. Please be happy with your life, don't ruin your plans.

I felt ashamed of myself when you told me you're falling for me. You see, in my current state of being, there is nothing lovable about me. I am worse than a car-wreck, love. But you, you saw right through me. You saw how weak I am even though I tried to conceal it and pretend I was unbreakable.

That is why I said what I've said to you. I might have offended you by being very straightforward. I am sorry.if I've hurt you in any way. No matter how I love you, I know you deserve better. Look at me..Take a closer look..I am such a mess and you are completely my opposite for that matter. I could never forgive myself if you ended up being like me. I hope you understand that. I hope you understand me.

I don't want us to end. I want us to be together no matter what it takes. I want to be with you. I want to love you every second of my life. But I know that its not going to happen. This isn't a fairytale. What we have is just a wonderful dream. Dreams end when we wake up and waking up is inevitable. I don't want us to end but I have to do it. I have to let go of a losing battle..I have to end this dream I have with you because I'm so damn scared that if I don't do it now, I might not be able to let you go forever. We will just hurt each other and people around us.

You're right when you said someone will come in my life and I will love that someone. You're damn right I love him. You also said that he will be my savior, my hero but he will just make me cry, hurt me and eventually leave me.

Whether you knew that or not, I don't intend to know. Whether it was your warning or you setting my expectations for this relationship, I don't want to know.

I just want to cherish everything, every single memories we have. Those memories, the good and the bad, will always make me smile every time I remember you.

I miss you but I know it is better this way. Its better that I'm the only one hurting rather than to see you get hurt. Please just be there for me when I need a friend. Please take care of yourself and be strong. It breaks my heart to see you cry, love. I can never afford to make you cry.

I know you will be happy. Don't worry about me - I am a survivor, I will get by. Don't worry about my problems, I'm not your responsibility - I never was. I love you.