Socorro

I wish I can take it all back
But thats not how life works, too bad
All I can do now is say my sincere apology
Dear friend, I am very sorry

Damages

An empty life is for an empty soul

When everything's a mess and there's no hope

Is it just right to have... 

An iron heart for this cruel world?

An empty smile is for an empty heart

When happiness has left you scarred

Is it just right to have...

A cynical heart for this deceitful life?  

An empty  gaze is for an empty mind

When troubles just cant leave you alone

Is just right to have...

A passive heart for this hopeless existence?

Faith -- what is the meaning of this word?

Can this redeem my heart, my mind, my soul?

They say 'Have faith, be strong'

I say 'trade-- my life for yours?'

Her name was Alex

She found herself staring at her reflection

Her eyes, her eyes had one question

When will all of this be over?

Cos she can bear it no longer

Stuck in this limbo, she softly sighed

“How many more days til I die?”

Little arms embrace her and she cried

‘Twas the angel who’s keeping her alive


Yet her little angel could do nothing

To keep her from hurting

To stop her from slowly dying

She’s gone forever, she won’t be returning.

Im grieving, friend ‘cause I miss you!

You were my friend through and through.

And as tears fall from my eyes,

Alex, between us, there are no goodbyes.

Wish I Could Know You Better

Saw you standing there alone
Wondering what's on your mind
Fought the urge to come to you
And say my usual hello

An acquaintance, that's what you are
Yet only you can weaken my knees
Only you can give me the butterflies!
Damn, wish I could know you better.

Your round eyes are intriguing
'Coz they entice me to stare
How could you be so mesmerizing?
Am I under your spell?

You walked past me and said hi
I froze 'coz I saw your timid smile
Now looking at your back, I heard myself say
"Damn, wish I could know you better".

ODE TO KURT

Despite this bitter life, I pray
That you will never be astray
Hope my love will guide through
The adversities this world will give you

Shadows of fear dishearten me
I am not perfect but kindly see
That I’ll be here for you always
Adoring you in all my days

It’s never easy to be without a father
But son, realize - he’s gone forever
Swallowed by oblivion, it doesn’t matter
Because we do have each other

A better man, you will be
Don’t be scared, love – never worry
Together, we shall take this journey
Enjoy this life for you are free.

Thank You!

I feel grateful to the Lord for giving me 27 years of life. It's strange that I feel so serene even though I have a lot of problems to face. All I can think about are the blessings that I've been receiving everyday! These gifts that I often ignore. The very breath I take every second is a precious gift from God. I feel so happy today! I don't know why but I feel as if I've been released from the prison cell that's been draining my hope for life.

It's surprising to know that there are friends who really care about you. Friends you don't often see but will never let you down even for a fraction of a second. Old friends who know you better than you know yourself, new friends who have high hopes for you and your potentials, those people who still believe in you even on those moments when you stopped believing in yourself.

I was soo busy whining about my miserable existence that I've taken them for granted.

THANK YOU, my dearest friends!

Thank you for loving me and taking care of me. All our memories, good and bad, will always be kept in my heart for all time. I will never forget you. You helped me become a better individual. Those friends of mine who stood by my side even on those times that I pushed them away, those who cried when they saw me crush into pieces, those who held my hand when I was terrified. I know I was never really alone.. I just chose to be alone as a penance to myself.

I feel ashamed of myself for being stubborn but I know better know. I will treasure my friends and I will never let them down. Maybe that's the reason why I feel happy today..Knowing that whatever it is that tomorrow may bring to me, I can face them bravely because I have my friends to support me.

Thank you for being a true friend. Know that I love you. I may be difficult to understand most of the times but you know that I will always come around.

.....

Tasted the sour life

Tired of these feelings

No one can help me

I have to end this now

Sorry...

This is as far as I can go

Quitting is never an option

But this is an exemption

Hold your candles tight

For thou shall see me once tonight

No goodbyes, I will be around

Thanks for everything

Borrowed

Have loved you so that I never realize

Thought for a million years you're mine

Lost myself completely in your gaze

Until she came to take you back from me

How could I let it slip out of my head?

It was over before it even started

Knew you love her yet I hoped

That the day will come, you will love me, too.

Now, it's crystal clear;

I never really had you

Go to her now, love - do not look back

Help me forget about you

Don't let me steal you away from her

Our mem'ries will forever haunt me

But I will be fine, I will get by

It hurts deeply to know you're gone

And that you just couldn't love me

Thank you, darling for everything

Tears shall flow endlessly in my eyes

Yet I know - this, too, shall pass

I can be happy without you

WHY?

I've done some thinking and the only question that got in my mind is WHY. Yep, why?

Why does a person hurt his/her friends?
Why does someone leave without a word?
Why are there insensitive, inconsiderate and self-centered people?
Why does one let go without a fight?
Why do we feel pain?
Why do people betray other people?
Why do some people prefer to suffer in silence?
Why do we cry?
Why can't we be angry with people who treated us with no respect?
Why do we have to be so understanding?
Why do you have vent out your anger on me?
Why did you do such a thing?
Why do you have to hurt me like that?

Been thinking about those since the other night and sadly, I couldn't answer them all by myself. I'm afraid some of these questions remain unanswered forever..

"525600 minutes"

The title is the first line of my favorite song Seasons of Love from the play/movie RENT. A year has passed in my life..I must say I've had a chaotic year. All the drama, lame night outs, bottomless alcohols, damn cigar addiction, pretensions, miseries, love and pain, nemeses found, friends lost, discoveries, secret identities, soul-searching, endless quest for happiness*, fights against my own demons, dreams turned into nightmares, promises that have been broken and forgotten, misunderstandings, arguments, silence, cold treatment, 3:00am chitchats, sleepless nights, dry chuckles, lies and more lies. I am not in my best condition for the past year. I guess, I just decided not to care anymore. I've have been curious how is it like to be carefree, to live life one day at a time, to welcome bohemia in me. I got so tired of having a dull, miserable life and of having a career that is going nowhere. I still don't know what came over me.. I have been to hell and back..all alone. All the battles I've had, I have bravely fought on my own. I'm not an ungrateful friend because I know there are those who wanted to help me. It's just that they wouldn't understand me and my situation at all. No one has experienced my life other than myself. I almost lost my sanity from all the predicaments I have. Its painful to keep all my fears, frustrations, love, hatred, joy and dreams in my heart. It was never easy to have my feelings bottled up inside of me but I have no choice. It is better to suffer in silence than to involve people with my mess. This year, I have never felt so alone, so lost and so miserable. But I know myself, I will never give in to defeat. I used to be a dreamer and I will continue to be one. As I sit here, I can only think of the lines from the song "SEASONS OF LOVE", the question :"How can you measure the life of a woman or man? In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried. In bridges he burned, or the way that she died."


A year has passed in my life..I know that the battle isn't over yet and that I have to keep on fighting til the very end and I will. My faith won't falter...
I will continue to be brave.
I will never surrender my fight against my demons..
I will never succumb to depression..
I will never give up on my dreams..
I will never lose hope in love and life..
I will not be angry to those who caused me pain.
I will be better.
I will continue to laugh even if it hurts.
I will still dance in the rain!
I will still write poems that inspire me.
I will still see goodness and have hope in people.
I will still laugh out loud.
I will still cry when its too painful.
I will still be the crazy, funny and loving mother to my Kurt!
I will never quit.

SEASONS OF LOVE
525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.

525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?

How about love?

How about love?

How about love?

Measure in love.

Seasons of love.

525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan.

525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?

In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried.

In bridges he burned, or the way that she died.

It’s time now to sing out, tho the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends.

Remember the love!

Remember the love!

Remember the love!

Measure in love.

Seasons of love!

Seasons of love.

*original composition date: September 23, 2009

When temporary amnesia attacks..

I still can't get over the fact that, for some unknown, crazy reasons, I HAD ACCIDENTALLY DELETED MY NEWLY COMPOSED POEMS WITHOUT EVEN REMEMBERING HOW I DID IT!When I checked for my compositions, it was just a blank word document! I was hysterical, how the heck did I manage to delete those files without even having the slightest memory of me actually hitting the delete button! I'm about to publish three new poems and 2 blog entries and now they're all gone. It made me sick to think that I am really having those memory lapses, goodness, I haven't even reached 30s..I'm really upset with myself because of that. I knew that those 3 poems really described my feelings that moment, I had that inspiration to write - I've finished those 3 poems in 10 minutes. Have you ever had that moment when you just keep on writing because all the ideas are literally bursting freely from your head and your heart; that you can't even remember your own words unless you read them over and over again? I was in that state. What's killing me is that I knew I wrote those poems but I can't even remember the message I wanted to convey. It's like having that old, life-size jigsaw puzzle; the one you've already finished and after years of displaying it on the wall, it suddenly fell, frame's broken and all the pieces scattered all over the floor. You knew that you've finished it once but as you tried to put them back together, you realized you don't know how and where to start and you just feel like screaming? That's what I've felt when I lost those poems! Darn, it sucks!I hope I can retrieve those poems in my mind or else I would have this regret for a long time and I mean a long time. I hate this feeling. I suck! I suck big time! Well for starters, I can still remember the titles. There is still hope, I can do this..I can remember what I've written and I can publish it soon..


For the poems:
BORROWED
MY BELOVED MISTAKE
EPIPHANY

For my blog entries:
ANAKIN SKYWALKER -
PLACES TO SEE - this one's easy


There, I've let it out. It's been eating me since last night. I really hate this feeling now. I want my poems back!!!

Cry Ophelia

In this untidy room, she profusely bled
Filled with grief, her soul can’t breathe
Faith has deserted her to deeply mourn
Her love has left her all alone.

Agony, she lamely masqueraded as joy
Sorrow, she hid deep within her soul
For no one should know her anguish
‘Coz no one could understand her crisis

Years of weeping, she stubbornly denied doing
Flicker of hope for love slowly waning
In pursuit of happiness, her spirit faltered
All what’s left is her shattered dreams

So cry Ophelia let it all out
Scream if you have to, wail hard
Let the world know you’re in pain
Let these torments go down with tears

For after these hurts, you will see
Love is never unkind to its believers
Keep your fire burning, never lose hope
Better days will come, just you wait

SCREAM

All this hypocrisy, I can no longer take!
This music of deceit, I can never dance into
Count me out for Pete’s sake
My integrity goes a little higher than this

My heart screams of all the anguish,
All the hurting that this world gave
My soul is deafened with my hearts cry
My very core could hardly survive this

I wish these lies would stop
Wonder why people can be so heartless
I hate pretensions, they disgust me
Hatred for this scheming art

My heart screams out in pain
My soul yearns for some truth it deserves
Stop this cheat, I am dying inside
For I can never concur to this fraud

Friend no more

With a heavy heart, I’d like to let you know
I don’t want to be your friend from now on
You’ve hurt me a lot, I can’t stand it anymore
We are so different, please understand

I thought I found a great friend in you
That’s why I’m always there
Whenever you need my help, my S.O.*
I went out of my way just to aid you

I hope you know that it hurts me
To be treated like a dirt
As though, I’m the good-for-nothing one
You make me feel that way

Now, I can no longer help you..
That is why you’re shutting me out
You’re even mad at me for no reason at all
Is this because you won’t need me anymore?

Don’t want to think that you just used me
It would break my heart deeply
Paranoia in my mind is blossoming
For I can’t find answers for my questions

Friends stick with each other thru thick and thin
I never saw that in you and it pains me
Realizing I’m the only one being true
I’m tired of this situation so I’m letting go

I’m letting go before this hurt turn into hatred
Before my respect turn into sarcasm
Before my perception of you change
I still want a good ending, friend

*S.O. – Special Operations, term used in asking for help or favor

Plastic-made Pinnochios

They are everywhere, mingling with real people.
Pretending desperately to belong
That is why they would do everything
Just to get your side, your interest

But beware of them, my friend
They are deceitful and cunning.
Acting as though they’re your best friend
Ass kissing you every minute.

Do not fall for their charismatic smiles
Nor their pitiful and sad stories
Because all of them are lies
Just to win your sympathy

They would just use you for their own sake
Friendly users, that’s what they really are
They would abuse your kindness.
They never really care about you

When they’ve gotten all they wanted,
They’d show their true character
Backstabbers and money-hungered beasts
Willing to sell you in exchange for a dime

You may have been a true friend to them,
But those mean nothing to these creatures
For they are just plastics, not real people
They wouldn’t know the value of friendship

Pagluha

Sa aking pagluha, nawa'y maibsan
Lumbay at pighating aking nararamdaman
Buhay kong masalimuot
Sana'y makayanan pang dalhin

Sa aking pagluha, nawa'y mawala
Galit para sa mundo at sa sarili ko
Pag-asa sana'y muling makita
Sa magulong buhay, sana'y makalaya

Sa aking pagtangis, nawa'y matutunan
Ang pagpapatawad sa mga taong mapaghusga
Pagmamahal sa kapwa sana'y manaig pa
Aking pang-unawa, lubos pang palawakin

Sa aking pagtangis, nawa'y kusang sumama
Hinagpis na kinikimkim ng puso kong alipin
Ng takot at pangamba, sana'y maglaho
Kabaliwang nag-ugat sa pagkatalo

Hinagpis

Kasing dilim ng gabi ang aking kapalaran
Mistulang lumot ang laman ng aking utak
Tanikala ng magulong buhay
Diyata't habang buhay ko nang mararanasan

Runaway with me

Into the land where no one knows us
In a place where there's a good start
All the worries left behind
The bad life can now be forgotten
The complications can fade into oblivion
Hold my hand tight, love
Together, let's start this journey
Where ever will be haven for me
'Coz I just want to be with you
Run away with me..

The Unusual Knight

He might tease you ‘til you cry
Say harsh words that would put you down
Make you feel that you’re not worth any love
Yet he will never leave when you’re in pain

He will comfort and guide you
While bombarding you with notoriety
Do things with cruelty
But he will still help you, definitely

No, he won’t carry your baggage
He won’t even hold the door for you
But he would put his life just for your safety
He won’t let harm come your way

He may be the most apathetic person
But inside, he’s just a lonely man
Tired of living what others expect of him
Free to be himself no matter what the world thinks

Yes, he may be ruthless to others
And most of the time, to me..
Yet he is my knight, he saved me..
From bottomless agony, unusual knight indeed!

A letter to Dave

Insensitivity is the name of the game I tried to play.
But in this game, I am losing every moment
I heard rumors about you yet I ignored them
I didn’t want to believe because my trust in you is rock-steady
How the world perceives you is way different from how I see you
They say you’re heartless, I say you’re compassionate
They say you’re mean, I say you’re the most sensitive person I know.
You let me in your soul, don’t you know I’m a good judge of character
You tried to hide yourself from everyone but I know you
At least from the things that you do to me
You are a good man, in a very bizarre way
You’re an iron-willed person
But I have to say you’re also weak.
Yes darling, you are weak
Inside those eagle eyes of yours is a vulnerable person
A heart that needs delicate loving and affection
A lost child, a wandering soul
I understand you deeply, Dave
That’s why I am letting you with your ways
I am letting you do things even if those cause me pain
Because I want you to be happy in everything that you do
I am snubbing this hurt I’m feeling whenever you take me for granted
You need a woman, not a clingy teeny bopper – I know
I want you to know that I love you
I hope I can help you with the burdens you are carrying now
I wish you well every day, Dave
I really hope that what you make me feel is true
And if it’s not, I hope you can find a way to let me know
I’m confused, you see.
I don’t know what’s in your heart and mind.
I don’t know where to put myself.
And it’s killing me, it’s killing my heart.
You’re always pulling back.
You will cherish me so much and then you’ll be the ice king the next minute
These mood swings you have with me..
They confuse me a lot.
So please let me know what’s real and what’s fantasy
Whatever it is, I am just here for you, ayt?
Til next time.
I love you…so much..
I hope you know that, I hope you treasure that..