The title is the first line of my favorite song Seasons of Love from the play/movie RENT. A year has passed in my life..I must say I've had a chaotic year. All the drama, lame night outs, bottomless alcohols, damn cigar addiction, pretensions, miseries, love and pain, nemeses found, friends lost, discoveries, secret identities, soul-searching, endless quest for happiness*, fights against my own demons, dreams turned into nightmares, promises that have been broken and forgotten, misunderstandings, arguments, silence, cold treatment, 3:00am chitchats, sleepless nights, dry chuckles, lies and more lies. I am not in my best condition for the past year. I guess, I just decided not to care anymore. I've have been curious how is it like to be carefree, to live life one day at a time, to welcome bohemia in me. I got so tired of having a dull, miserable life and of having a career that is going nowhere. I still don't know what came over me.. I have been to hell and back..all alone. All the battles I've had, I have bravely fought on my own. I'm not an ungrateful friend because I know there are those who wanted to help me. It's just that they wouldn't understand me and my situation at all. No one has experienced my life other than myself. I almost lost my sanity from all the predicaments I have. Its painful to keep all my fears, frustrations, love, hatred, joy and dreams in my heart. It was never easy to have my feelings bottled up inside of me but I have no choice. It is better to suffer in silence than to involve people with my mess. This year, I have never felt so alone, so lost and so miserable. But I know myself, I will never give in to defeat. I used to be a dreamer and I will continue to be one. As I sit here, I can only think of the lines from the song "SEASONS OF LOVE", the question :"How can you measure the life of a woman or man? In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried. In bridges he burned, or the way that she died."
A year has passed in my life..I know that the battle isn't over yet and that I have to keep on fighting til the very end and I will. My faith won't falter...
I will continue to be brave.
I will never surrender my fight against my demons..
I will never succumb to depression..
I will never give up on my dreams..
I will never lose hope in love and life..
I will not be angry to those who caused me pain.
I will be better.
I will continue to laugh even if it hurts.
I will still dance in the rain!
I will still write poems that inspire me.
I will still see goodness and have hope in people.
I will still laugh out loud.
I will still cry when its too painful.
I will still be the crazy, funny and loving mother to my Kurt!
I will never quit.
SEASONS OF LOVE
525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?
How about love?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love.
Seasons of love.
525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan.
525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?
In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned, or the way that she died.
It’s time now to sing out, tho the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends.
Remember the love!
Remember the love!
Remember the love!
Measure in love.
Seasons of love!
Seasons of love.
*original composition date: September 23, 2009
No comments:
Post a Comment