Thank You!

I feel grateful to the Lord for giving me 27 years of life. It's strange that I feel so serene even though I have a lot of problems to face. All I can think about are the blessings that I've been receiving everyday! These gifts that I often ignore. The very breath I take every second is a precious gift from God. I feel so happy today! I don't know why but I feel as if I've been released from the prison cell that's been draining my hope for life.

It's surprising to know that there are friends who really care about you. Friends you don't often see but will never let you down even for a fraction of a second. Old friends who know you better than you know yourself, new friends who have high hopes for you and your potentials, those people who still believe in you even on those moments when you stopped believing in yourself.

I was soo busy whining about my miserable existence that I've taken them for granted.

THANK YOU, my dearest friends!

Thank you for loving me and taking care of me. All our memories, good and bad, will always be kept in my heart for all time. I will never forget you. You helped me become a better individual. Those friends of mine who stood by my side even on those times that I pushed them away, those who cried when they saw me crush into pieces, those who held my hand when I was terrified. I know I was never really alone.. I just chose to be alone as a penance to myself.

I feel ashamed of myself for being stubborn but I know better know. I will treasure my friends and I will never let them down. Maybe that's the reason why I feel happy today..Knowing that whatever it is that tomorrow may bring to me, I can face them bravely because I have my friends to support me.

Thank you for being a true friend. Know that I love you. I may be difficult to understand most of the times but you know that I will always come around.

.....

Tasted the sour life

Tired of these feelings

No one can help me

I have to end this now

Sorry...

This is as far as I can go

Quitting is never an option

But this is an exemption

Hold your candles tight

For thou shall see me once tonight

No goodbyes, I will be around

Thanks for everything

Borrowed

Have loved you so that I never realize

Thought for a million years you're mine

Lost myself completely in your gaze

Until she came to take you back from me

How could I let it slip out of my head?

It was over before it even started

Knew you love her yet I hoped

That the day will come, you will love me, too.

Now, it's crystal clear;

I never really had you

Go to her now, love - do not look back

Help me forget about you

Don't let me steal you away from her

Our mem'ries will forever haunt me

But I will be fine, I will get by

It hurts deeply to know you're gone

And that you just couldn't love me

Thank you, darling for everything

Tears shall flow endlessly in my eyes

Yet I know - this, too, shall pass

I can be happy without you

WHY?

I've done some thinking and the only question that got in my mind is WHY. Yep, why?

Why does a person hurt his/her friends?
Why does someone leave without a word?
Why are there insensitive, inconsiderate and self-centered people?
Why does one let go without a fight?
Why do we feel pain?
Why do people betray other people?
Why do some people prefer to suffer in silence?
Why do we cry?
Why can't we be angry with people who treated us with no respect?
Why do we have to be so understanding?
Why do you have vent out your anger on me?
Why did you do such a thing?
Why do you have to hurt me like that?

Been thinking about those since the other night and sadly, I couldn't answer them all by myself. I'm afraid some of these questions remain unanswered forever..

"525600 minutes"

The title is the first line of my favorite song Seasons of Love from the play/movie RENT. A year has passed in my life..I must say I've had a chaotic year. All the drama, lame night outs, bottomless alcohols, damn cigar addiction, pretensions, miseries, love and pain, nemeses found, friends lost, discoveries, secret identities, soul-searching, endless quest for happiness*, fights against my own demons, dreams turned into nightmares, promises that have been broken and forgotten, misunderstandings, arguments, silence, cold treatment, 3:00am chitchats, sleepless nights, dry chuckles, lies and more lies. I am not in my best condition for the past year. I guess, I just decided not to care anymore. I've have been curious how is it like to be carefree, to live life one day at a time, to welcome bohemia in me. I got so tired of having a dull, miserable life and of having a career that is going nowhere. I still don't know what came over me.. I have been to hell and back..all alone. All the battles I've had, I have bravely fought on my own. I'm not an ungrateful friend because I know there are those who wanted to help me. It's just that they wouldn't understand me and my situation at all. No one has experienced my life other than myself. I almost lost my sanity from all the predicaments I have. Its painful to keep all my fears, frustrations, love, hatred, joy and dreams in my heart. It was never easy to have my feelings bottled up inside of me but I have no choice. It is better to suffer in silence than to involve people with my mess. This year, I have never felt so alone, so lost and so miserable. But I know myself, I will never give in to defeat. I used to be a dreamer and I will continue to be one. As I sit here, I can only think of the lines from the song "SEASONS OF LOVE", the question :"How can you measure the life of a woman or man? In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried. In bridges he burned, or the way that she died."


A year has passed in my life..I know that the battle isn't over yet and that I have to keep on fighting til the very end and I will. My faith won't falter...
I will continue to be brave.
I will never surrender my fight against my demons..
I will never succumb to depression..
I will never give up on my dreams..
I will never lose hope in love and life..
I will not be angry to those who caused me pain.
I will be better.
I will continue to laugh even if it hurts.
I will still dance in the rain!
I will still write poems that inspire me.
I will still see goodness and have hope in people.
I will still laugh out loud.
I will still cry when its too painful.
I will still be the crazy, funny and loving mother to my Kurt!
I will never quit.

SEASONS OF LOVE
525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.

525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?

How about love?

How about love?

How about love?

Measure in love.

Seasons of love.

525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan.

525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?

In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried.

In bridges he burned, or the way that she died.

It’s time now to sing out, tho the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends.

Remember the love!

Remember the love!

Remember the love!

Measure in love.

Seasons of love!

Seasons of love.

*original composition date: September 23, 2009

When temporary amnesia attacks..

I still can't get over the fact that, for some unknown, crazy reasons, I HAD ACCIDENTALLY DELETED MY NEWLY COMPOSED POEMS WITHOUT EVEN REMEMBERING HOW I DID IT!When I checked for my compositions, it was just a blank word document! I was hysterical, how the heck did I manage to delete those files without even having the slightest memory of me actually hitting the delete button! I'm about to publish three new poems and 2 blog entries and now they're all gone. It made me sick to think that I am really having those memory lapses, goodness, I haven't even reached 30s..I'm really upset with myself because of that. I knew that those 3 poems really described my feelings that moment, I had that inspiration to write - I've finished those 3 poems in 10 minutes. Have you ever had that moment when you just keep on writing because all the ideas are literally bursting freely from your head and your heart; that you can't even remember your own words unless you read them over and over again? I was in that state. What's killing me is that I knew I wrote those poems but I can't even remember the message I wanted to convey. It's like having that old, life-size jigsaw puzzle; the one you've already finished and after years of displaying it on the wall, it suddenly fell, frame's broken and all the pieces scattered all over the floor. You knew that you've finished it once but as you tried to put them back together, you realized you don't know how and where to start and you just feel like screaming? That's what I've felt when I lost those poems! Darn, it sucks!I hope I can retrieve those poems in my mind or else I would have this regret for a long time and I mean a long time. I hate this feeling. I suck! I suck big time! Well for starters, I can still remember the titles. There is still hope, I can do this..I can remember what I've written and I can publish it soon..


For the poems:
BORROWED
MY BELOVED MISTAKE
EPIPHANY

For my blog entries:
ANAKIN SKYWALKER -
PLACES TO SEE - this one's easy


There, I've let it out. It's been eating me since last night. I really hate this feeling now. I want my poems back!!!